The John Griff Column: Reliving the memories – walking towards wellbeing

From time to time, we hear of people who have risen from sometimes desperate or tragic circumstances to triumph over adversity or turn from negativity to something far more positive. Often, we hear about it on entertainment talent shows in the first couple of minutes, establishing contestants via their ‘back story’. In truth I tend to look at these through the slightly jaded or cynical eyes of one who has seen ‘entertainment’ use such stories to manipulate public reaction in the name of ratings. US TV has long since done this and we seem to have imported the practice. Social media sometimes uses the same mechanisms in the name of building up ‘follower’ numbers through bare-faced click-baiting. The notion seems to be that in driving empathy for the sake of entertainment, we take a step or two along the path to wellness and wellbeing.

A month or so ago I found myself taking a step or two towards that end, but without the need for any televisual prompting. Instead, it happened when my former secondary school invited me to visit after leaving it many years (over 40!) ago. The school was reaching out to former pupils who had been children when they first joined, left as young adults and had by now lived the greater part of their adult lives in whatever sphere. What could we impart about our experiences to the current generation, now treading the same corridors that we had, decades previously? Intrigued by the invitation from a school I had enjoyed being at, I accepted.

Shortly afterwards, I drove back to school with a sense of excitement, a little trepidation and a strange sense of not quite belonging. My advance briefing hadn’t been particularly detailed – perhaps deliberately so. Mentally therefore I was working to a blank sheet of paper. Arriving in the car park, that last sense was compounded. None of the parking spaces were available, except the one which had ‘HEADMASTER’ painted in front of it. Was I really going to be so rebellious as to use it? Pressure of time (mostly) told, so I parked and made a mental note to apologise when I announced myself. In the event, the headmaster wasn’t in school that day, so no issues arose. And I didn’t get detention or lines.

Being back at school unlocked an absolute treasure trove of decades-old memories, experiences and comparisons between then and now. I loved the experience. During what was only a few hours, I not only had the opportunity to recount my experiences (mostly within the school’s rules!) and tell the current management team a few things they hadn’t known before, but also I toured the campus, re-engaging with it and learning about how a place which had seemed vast when I joined it at 14, now seemed smaller in size but had grown in its achievements and aspirations. I learned of the now retired teachers who remain from that time. I recalled some of my classmates who are themselves not far from retirement, as well as a few who didn’t make it far in life and who are no longer here. And I recalled the sacrifices my parents made to get me to their choice of school for me. After he died, I found a previously unseen letter my father had sent to the then headmaster. Money was tight and in it, dad asked if there might be any chance of the school being able to offer some kind of bursary to help cushion the cost of fees. The headmaster was generous enough to do so – for which I will be forever in its debt. School might not have taught me very much academically, but that was down to a young me. It did, however, teach me to be me – a priceless lesson to have learned and understood.

As I drove out of the headmaster’s parking space and the school with it, I did so with an almost euphoric feeling. I felt validated, confident and positive. In conversation I had been asked if I had any advice to pass on to current students. My reply was that they shouldn’t be in a hurry to be an adult – to take in what’s around and weigh up what matters. Don’t worry too much about results – there will ALWAYS be an alternative route. Set goals – and work out the best route to achieving them, one step at a time. And always have an alternative route planned!

Sometimes it is said that looking back is a bad thing. I beg to differ.