Northampton mental health expert gives advice on making sense of losing that ‘poignant presence’ in our lives

For many, the exact moment when they heard that Her Majesty th Queen had died will be forever etched in their memory.Thursday, September 8. A day which kick-started a period of national mourning. A day, which marked the end of a life that had such a poignant presence in our lives.Once the announcement had been made and the news coverage began, the enormity of what had happened started to settle on the public.Despite being aged 96, many people expressed their surprise at the news, particularly as Queen Elizabeth II had been filmed just days before meeting the new Prime Minister Liz Truss.Within an hour of the news breaking,thousands started gathering outside Buckingham Palace to pay their respects and it quickly became evident that many felt an unexpected and devastating sense of loss.Grief has a silent, but overwhelming presence and can, in different circumstances take us utterly by surprise. But what can become confusing at times like this is, not many of us personally knew the Queen. So, why are people feeling so bereft?In part, the loss of the Queen can be triggering to people who may have lost their own grandparents. In the last few days I have seen people who have expressed feelings of agonising grief since hearing the news.For some, the Queen represented a constant in the lives, offering a backbone of normality and regularity. Human beings are not known for their ability to adapt to change and it does not get much bigger than the Head of State passing.The Queen had a sense of invincibility, which was probably down to her calm demeanour. Her profile, which has graced stamps and coins for 70 years, have ensured most of us have seen her face at least once every single day for most of our lives. So, with this in mind, it comes as no surprise at how upset people are.We therefore should be able to validate our feelings, if we feel upset, we should allow ourselves time to process these emotions. It’s important that right now, we must not judge ourselves or each other for feeling sad or emotional.It might seem an alien concept to be grieving a woman most of us had never met, but that has not stopped the public outpouring of grief that her demise has brought with it.As humans, we have a huge capacity for empathy, which means we can understand how the Royal family may be feeling about their loss.Being able to express how we feel and openly talk about it is an important part of the healing process. If you’re struggling, I recommend you share your feelings with a friend or family member.Keep an eye out for places where members of the public are being encouraged to share how they are feeling, including signing a book of condolence.The most important aspect of grieving is sharing your experience with others and that’s why funerals are so important.

Take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your grief, but also be mindful that not everyone will be feeling the same way.

If things start to feel overwhelming, I recommend taking a break from social media and the news which is understandably only about one thing at the moment. Try acknowledging that the Queen’s death may have triggered some of your own feelings and spend some time processing how you are feeling.

And finally, it is worth remembering that there is no right or wrong way when it comes to handling grief.