John Griff column: Friend – or Fairweather Foe?
Friendships have been much in mind of late for me. To what degree can we say that we have friendships – to what level (or otherwise) do they grow and how do we rate them, one against another? Do we nurture our friendships, do we revere them, do we leverage them or do we instead take them for granted? Do we have work to do if we are to be net gainers as opposed to losers in the tally of friendship?
The question popped into my head a few days ago as I was walking the dogs. It was a glorious afternoon for once and without rain, sleet or snow. Instead, the sun was shining, temperatures were just into double figures and there wasn’t a breath of wind. This was perfect for our two dogs, both rescues. One is of indeterminate breed (although we’re pretty sure that there’s flat coat retriever in there, somewhere), while the other is a miniature dachshund. Both of us dote on both of them – perhaps to dubiously indulgent levels, but such it is. These days I work mostly from home, so both are constant companions of mine, as well as each other. One joined us from Animals in Need at about 10 weeks of age – the other 14 months ago at just over 1 year. Utterly different (one craves heat while the other avoids it because of a thick double coat), they have formed really strong bonds with us and every return to the house is accompanied by excited barks and yelps which border on being excessive. Both enjoy snuggling in, but neither Lois nor I would describe them as obedient per se. For all that though we’d certainly not be without them, giving us as much of themselves as they are able to – which is everything. Truly they are our friends – they gladden our hearts and souls. I pondered how unconditional their friendship and love for us is as we walked in the winter sunshine.
But what of other friendships? Right now, and on the global stage, a number of our ‘friendships’ – one in particular – are being tested in the extreme. Britain and the United States have enjoyed their much vaunted ‘Special Relationship’ since the era of World War 2 but right now it is being stretched to breaking point over tariffs and claims which challenge belief. The bellicose words emanating from the vicinity of Oval Office are getting increasingly petulant, with railing this week at the Nobel Peace Prize committee, condemning other world leaders and deriding nation states that have otherwise enjoyed harmonious relationships for years. In other times they would have been called friends and allies, but right now they seem to be being used and abused at the whim of an individual with apparently scant regard for the longer-term ramifications of their words – or actions. Surely the point about friendship is that they are 2-way things to be cherished. If they are not, they wither and die – which is good for neither party.
With what sounds like hysteria in the daily (hourly?) news arc, it is, perhaps small wonder that people turn away from engaging with it simply to find some respite. Earlier this week I had had enough of it all and resolved to disengage too, setting my sights instead on real people that I could interact with and share some positivity. This was not running away I hasten to add. This, instead, was recuperation. Each month I have dinner with three distinct groups. One is with a group of colleagues from my banking days when I worked in Wellingborough. Over time they have become friends – most of them are now retired. With them, I reminisce. Another dinner is with someone who became a friend through my coverage of him on the radio as a rally driver 35 years ago – with him we are RGOMs – Reasonably Grumpy Old Men who get things off our chests and debate the world.
The final monthly dinner is with my remaining and closest friends from my school days. There’s usually 5 of us, sometimes 6. All male, we tend not to reminisce and instead discuss current affairs, mixed in with the same kind of banter that first drew us together half a century ago. Theirs are the childhood friendships I will take to my grave with me – however soon or otherwise that may be. Each of us has known good and bad days and each of us has leant on the others to draw strength from those friendships. It is, after all, what friends know that they can do, unconditionally.
Friendship is priceless – literally. True friendship has no price and exacts no cost. But it needs to be nurtured and cherished if it is to survive. That goes for nations, as much as it does individuals.