Fiona Beal Trial: Former Northampton teacher's ‘confession book’ said victim was ‘unlikeable’ and ‘nobody seemed bothered’ about his disappearance

“Hiding a body was bad. Moving a body is much more difficult than it looks on TV,” Beal’s rambling notebook reads.
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The notebooks belonging to the former Eastfield Academy teacher accused of Nicholas Billingham’s murder, have been read aloud to Northampton Crown Court.

Fiona Beal, 49, of Moore Street, appeared at court on Thursday, March 16 for the fourth day of her trial wearing a black shirt, a woolly green cardigan and her hair secured in a high ponytail with a black bobble.

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She began to weep in the dock as chilling extracts from two of her notebooks were read aloud by DC Fleming.

Forensic officers remove Nicholas Billingham's body from Fiona Beal's house in Moore Street, Kingsley on March 20, 2022.Forensic officers remove Nicholas Billingham's body from Fiona Beal's house in Moore Street, Kingsley on March 20, 2022.
Forensic officers remove Nicholas Billingham's body from Fiona Beal's house in Moore Street, Kingsley on March 20, 2022.

“My guilt strangles me. If only I had dealt with it better,” she wrote.

“I am sorry I didn’t leave him. I am sorry I let him rip my self esteem and self worth apart. I am sorry I let him control me. I am sorry I took him back. I am sorry I am weak. I am sorry for what I did.”

The notebooks were recovered from a lodge in Windermere, where she had booked a 10 night stay in March 2022 before attempting suicide and being found by police.

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Steven Perian, prosecuting, described one notebook as Beal’s “confession book.”

Fiona Beal is standing trial for the murder of 42-year-old Nicholas Billingham (pictured).Fiona Beal is standing trial for the murder of 42-year-old Nicholas Billingham (pictured).
Fiona Beal is standing trial for the murder of 42-year-old Nicholas Billingham (pictured).

In it, she named her dark alter-ego ‘Tulip22’ and described her as “ruthless,” “reckless, fearless and efficient.”

Beal wrote: “Halloween sealed it. He was vile. I sat on the kitchen floor and wept. That night I planned. Covid rules meant I had a guaranteed 10 day isolation period from positive symptoms.”

Beal’s notebook said that she encouraged a bath with the incentive of sex afterwards and hid a knife in a drawer next to the bed. She brought a chisel, a bin bag and cable ties and got “him” to wear an eye mask.

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She wrote: “It was harder than I thought it would be. Hiding a body was bad. Moving a body is much more difficult than it looks on TV. I started to believe the cover story. Flashes interrupted. But in the dark times or just at random moments I would remember. Remember what I’ve done, what I am.”

Beal’s notebooks described Mr Billingham as an “unlikeable person”, equated him to Jekyll and Hyde and said he prided himself on being a “sociopath.”

One of Beal’s notebooks said all she had to do was send a few texts and “no one was particularly bothered” about Mr Billingham’s disappearance.

“Everyone seemed better off. I don’t think anyone would have looked for him,” she wrote.

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Beal said the process of “breaking” her was “slow and imperceptible to most” and described her relationship with Mr Billingham as getting worse after moving to Moore Street.

Beal’s ramblings guessed that people would blame her actions on her mental health or weed, which she said allowed her to access a “stronger version” of herself - calming down her anxiety and silencing the “voices” in her head.

Beal wrote she has done “truly bad things” and good things too but no “greater power” has shown itself to her in the form of being haunted by ghosts or visions.

She described her “self torment” as her move from being a “passive victim doormat” to “someone who stood up for herself.” She said this reminded her of Thelma and Louise.

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In her notebooks, Beal also left messages for family members, apologising to them and listing regrets about the things she is going to miss including being a teacher and having grandchildren. She also talked about different ways she tried to take her own life after making the drive to the Cumbrian lodge on March 6, 2022.

“Suicide is not easy. I am terrified but I have made so many bad decisions. There really isn’t any other way,” Beal wrote.

She also wrote about the Lake District countryside during her stay.

“It is lovely. It is night. The sky is amazing. The cows’ shouting makes me smile. I want to see the animals tomorrow.”

The trial continues.