“It’s like we’ve lost him again”. Family who can’t visit their son because of coronavirus rules call for law to be changed

A family who are unable to see their autistic son due to the government’s laws on social distancing are calling for a change and say families like theirs have been forgotten about in the coronavirus crisis.

Like thousands of parents across the country, Tracy and Stephen Quirke are not currently able to see their son Eoghan, who has severe learning difficulties and lives in a residential home in Kettering.

The government’s guidance to care homes is that contact can take place virtually but social distancing must be adhered to.

Tracy and Stephen, who are separated but remain a close family unit, say children like their son Eoghan, who has his 14th birthday tomorrow (June 19), are not able to social distance and so they are unable to visit him. They used to visit Eoghan three times a week and say not being able to hug or touch him is very hard.

Tracy said: “It is heartbreaking. If we had an end date we would know. The problem is there is no end to social distancing. You feel helpless. It is a huge decision to admit you need to put your child’s needs first when they first leave home.

“It is probably the most selfless act you can do and there is a grieving process that comes with it. This is like losing him again.”

Tracy has contacted her MP Tom Pursglove about the issue and on the family’s behalf he has written to education secretary Gavin Williamson asking him to look into their concerns.

He told the Local Democracy Reporting Service: “I have raised this difficult case with the Education Secretary and the National Shielding Team in order that they can reflect on the particular arrangements around these sorts of settings as part of the ongoing review of ‘shielding’ as of June 30, informed by the Quirke family’s experience.

“The Government obviously argues it takes an approach to these matters based on scientific and medical advice and the balance of risk.”

Tracy said: “Because we (families with disabled children in care) are a small number we have been forgotten about. I watch the Government’s daily press conferences closely and there has been no mention of children all the way through. Parents with children like ours don’t have voice.”

Stephen, who had counselling when Eoghan went into residential care, says the situation is unfair and extremely upsetting.

He said: “Social distancing could be around until next year. It just feels like there is no way forward. I’m devastated that we cant see Eoghan.”

Eoghan has lived at the home since November 2016 and Tracy only has praise for the carers who look after him and has no concerns about the quality of care he is receiving.

She said: “They are amazing. He is really, really happy there.

“He is a beautiful child with huge smiles. Just because he does not speak does not mean he does not have something to say.”

The family have been able to see Eoghan, who is non verbal, via video call, but Tracy said at times he has not seemed to be himself and thinks the lockdown is having an impact on him.

“We did visit him once a few weeks ago, at the time when the Prime Minister was saying, ‘go to work, don’t go to work’, and when there were so many shades of grey (in the guidance). We had all been safe and self isolating and we were confident that we were not putting him or anyone else at risk by visiting him. But social distancing was a problem. He is a very tactile child and when you see him there are a lot of hugs and kisses and cuddles.”

Tracy says there must be a solution for how parents can see their children during the public health crisis and wants the government to come up with one quickly.

She said: “Social distancing is not going to go away. I think there needs to be a clause in there, so that if your child cannot social distance, that you can see them somehow. Of course we don’t want to put anyone at risk, either the staff, or the children in the home, but there needs to be some solution, whether that is by testing. There must be a way around it. If this is not tackled it could be next year before I see my son.”

Eoghan is looked after under section 20 of the Children’s Act 1989, which means he is cared for by the local authority but parental responsibility is still with the parents.

The Quirkes are hoping to join forces with the family of Bella Davide, who is at Arnold House in Northampton. Bella’s parents have not seen her since the outbreak and have not been told by the local authority when they can see her again despite repeated questions.