Wooheee! Contrary to reports it wasn't Alan Hodgson in the suit.

Hey, whatever happened to that Kolpak Kangaroo?

That would have bounded home in the other two disciplines of the sprint and obstacle race for the hat-trick.

Although can Kangaroos dance? I am hearing the open-top bus tour may still go ahead – weather permitting.

Rather ironically a comedy animal clowning around with a bone in its hand is a fitting tribute to the Steelboks right now. The pathetic performance at Southend reinforced the laughing stock we have become in one-day cricket under pressure.

This was an utter disgrace, the third time in a row we have been five or more down for 50 in a one-day game, with the non-replacement of last season's top three leaving our batting wide open.

A poor pitch it may have been (Essex were scuttled out for 70 on it two days before), but these batting collapses are increasing under Capel and the story of our crunch fixtures so far.

To be bowled out for 61 is unacceptable and it's now time to ask some hard questions about the Steelboks leadership.

I don't know if the Saffers stopped off at Edgbaston between Chesterfield and Southend to 'help' celebrate their Test series win that night, but something is seriously wrong in the dressing room right now when eight guys get caught behind.

It wouldn't surprise me if 'clique' is an Afrikaans word. Capel doesn't seem able to control them.

At least we won't be humiliated by losing the Pro40 relegation play-off this season!

At 49 for four you can recover in these games but to be tumbled out for just 12 more runs is ludicrous.

We saw exactly this in the Twenty20 Cup quarter-final. With Worcestershire on the gas in the championship the silverware has already gone by August.

I just don't think the Saffers respect the coach enough for him to make them really go for it.

Guys, you have 300 ODI caps between you. – what's going on?

More positive in Championship...
At least there was some positive news around for the team last week.

While the A team were winning the first Test series in England for 40 years at Edgbaston, the B team were grinding out a draw up the road at Queens Park, Chesterfield, securing a useful 11 points to stay third in the championship.

Northants are like a race car on a wet track this summer as far as the championship goes, as bad weather continues to thwart their progress to pole position.

The annoying 120 overs lost at Chesterfield allowed a tired Derbyshire station-wagon back into the game after Northants had dominated day one with the bat, closing at 382 for six as Lance Klusener climbed to the top of the national batting averages with 135.

We really need to persuade this guy to stick around next year, even if just to teach Afrikaans to the English guys in the team so they can at least understand what their 'team-mates' are saying on the field.

Riki Wessels finally came to the party with 79, but yet again our middle-order didn't, 364 for four becoming 399 all-out.

It wasn't the best set of tyres going into the Queens Park raceway bowling wise as van der Wath finally earned his rest in the pits and Wigs was pulled out with a slow puncture. Derbyshire's ground out the laps to avoid the follow-on and so kill the game stone dead.

Hall finally contributed to the championship campaign with his opening first-class five-for for Northants, leaving just enough time for Peters to cream a ton and Wessels to try to win the gloves off Niall with his second half-century of the game to seal the draw.

If we can hold Warwickshire this week and exploit the three straight home games to finish off the season we can still clinch that second spot. But we will need to win three out of five to go up and that looks tricky, especially after Sunday.

So if the short-term South African fix isn't working, what about the youngsters?

With our only scheduled three-day second-XI game for 2008 taking place at Wantage Road last week I thought I would toddle along to see what we have.

Alas it was all very depressing talent-wise and crowd numbers alike, especially with that gleaming indoor school in the sparseness contrasting with the failure to bring guys through.

I can safely tell Ashley Giles that none of these are England potential. Young Ben Howgego seemed to be prepared to stay at the crease with a gritty hundred that impressed but the batting around him was atrocious.

Ben seems to sum up the grassroots of the county game these days, that typical public school name and haircut dominating second XIs.

With a three-year booze-up at university open to all now then why bother with county cricket as a career? The three England under-19 guys we have nurtured aren't exactly pulling up trees.

Mark Nelson gloriously gets in and then gets out, Graeme White's spin bowling is regressing because he's not used by Capes, while Alex Wakely scores slower than Chris Tavare in a nostalgic grainy TV slow motion replay.

On this evidence I just don't see the point of Northants having a second XI anymore, especially if they play their home games in Buckinghamshire.