Discarded weeds going up in flames
The boys looked suspiciously at me when I collected them in the car. "It stinks in here. Something's burning."
No, I hadn't returned to the fags (two years clean). But I had finally got the dry, cold, almost-still day needed for a bonfire. And they'd missed it.
My metal incinerator, stuffed with dry clippings and diseased trimmings from the summer, finally went up in smoke.
They smelled the evidence on my clothes. And they were not happy, having been told that we would have a bonfire in November (rained off), December (too ill) and January (they missed it).
I'm not sure why small boys have such a fascination with bonfires. Mine tend to be rather boring, rapid, highly controlled affairs in daylight rather than orange-glowy, hand-warming occasions.
I try not to burn garden stuff if I can compost or recycle it. So my bonfires are few and far between.
Which is exactly how the Powers That Be would like it. Contrary to popular myth, there aren't bonfire by-laws that ban bonfires.
But there are laws on nuisance, and if you regularly hold bonfires that send your neighbours running for cover, or which send out noxious fumes because you've thrown a three-piece suite onto it, then you could get done.
During one of my many maternity leaves, I finally lost my rag and stomped round to one of the neighbour's houses as they seemed to time their weekly bonfire, situated just over our wall, to start as soon as I'd stuck a load of washing out or gone out in the garden with the kids.
They were most apologetic, and simply hadn't realised that the smoke and heat was so intrusive, and subsequently radically reduced the amount they had to about two a year, with prior warning and replaced the ash-pile with a nice greenhouse.
Bonfires are as old as the discovery of fire, and (QI, quite interestingly), the word 'bonfire' comes from 'bone-fire', which is what they had to warm things up in the Middle Ages.
In German it's 'freudenfeuer', which even though I failed my O Level German (in the Middle Ages), I think translates as 'fun fire'? 'Joy fire'? Sounds better than burning bones eh?
What goes into my incinerator (no scorch marks and a bit safer than a heap)? All the dead rose material, which is always blackspotty and mildewey, so needs nuking.
Dried out perennial weeds, like dandelions and bindweed and anything too big to shred with the mower or use as plant supports.
Clematis which has dried solidly on the wall over winter and which takes too long to compost.
And the whole thing is started by igniting strategically-placed bank statements and personal paperwork which I'm too lazy to shred and too paranoid to recycle.
Never use an accelerant like petrol or lighter fluid – v. stupid as you could end up in casualty or homeless – and try to avoid burning 'green' wood or damp stuff.
It takes ages to burn and produces loads of thick, noxious smoke.
If you've left a pile or filled an incinerator and left it, check it before igniting in case there are any creatures hiding inside. Although I get a worryingly sadistic satisfaction from finding slugs and snails and barbecuing them in the fierce heat.
And don't assume they've been killed by the recent cold snap.
They are either huddled up under the leaves and rubbish you didn't get round to clearing last year or have already laid the next generation of eggs, ready to scoff all your plantlings in spring.
Once you've burned everything that is flammable (and you will find yourself looking for other things to burn once you get started), you can use the cooled ashes as a soil conditioner for certain plants.
If you have burned woody material, the ash will contain potassium, calcium and magnesium. Ash can raise the PH of an acid soil and neutralise it, like adding lime, so keep it away from acid-lovers like azaleas and rhododendrons.
Also, keep it away from ground where you want to plant potatoes, as it can contribute to scab.
However, dig it into your soil elsewhere and layer it on your compost heap.
A thick layer around vulnerable plants in spring is supposed to deter slugs and snails crossing.
I layer it under my roses every year and they don't seem to mind.
One eco-book tells how you can fill an old pair of tights with ash and sieve it onto aphids on plants and wash it off a few days later, but I'm not sure I could be bothered with the mess.
One thing I have learned though. Do something with your ash, as if left in a heap in the wet, it turns into a big, dirty, smelly, salty lump which is of no use to anyone.
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Thursday 24 May 2012
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