Bluetooth makes fingers redundant
I’ve got myself a Bluetooth. Is that how you say it? It can’t be right because I haven’t just got one Bluetooth.
I’ve discovered it’s all over the place. Now that I know what it is and I’m looking for it I’ve realised I’ve got Blueteeth . . . and not from smoking.
I know it’s been around for ages and usually I’m pretty good at keeping up with whatever the First Taker Uppers (as the marketing people call them) are currently excited about but Bluetooth passed me by.
It always seemed a bit posey . . . a bit emperor’s new clothes.
So what if your gadgets can talk to each other? What are they going to say? Are they going to moan about me being a bit heavy handed with their buttons?
My phone and my laptop could already do it and I had no idea. The kettle can probably do it. It seems my wilful ignorance has been holding them back. I feel like I’ve let them down somehow.
Once upon a time all you needed to be a materialistic capitalist wageslave was money to purchase items. Now you need an education not just to use the items but to stop yourself being the dumb one in the partnership.
Bluetooth helps your clever possessions talk to each other and my big breakthrough in understanding has been getting what I used to think was the posiest one of all: the one that goes in your ear.
It talks to my phone and that allows me to receive calls while I’m driving. When Bluetooth was invented back in 1994, it was legal to juggle your handset and the steering wheel at the same time.
Now I don’t have to take my eyes off the road. I just touch the button on the Bluetooth earpiece when the phone rings and I’m in business.
It’s all done with short range wireless signals and I must admit that was partly what put me off about it. I liked the reliability of plugging something into something else.
The other thing that put me off was the name. Apparently Bluetooth was the nickname of King Harald I of Denmark who united that country’s tribes into one nation in the 10th century. As a Scandinavian company Ericsson thought it was an appropriate monicker for their new bit of networking technology.
To me it came over as deliberately and annoyingly obscure, probably in the same way that the words “gas barbecue” would have done to cavemen who were just getting used to rubbing sticks together.
But I’ve been spending more time driving and on longer journeys. It’s one thing waiting five minutes to return a missed call but another entirely waiting two hours to get back to someone.
Probably the clincher was the cult detective TV series The Killing. Seeing Detective Lund hook a Bluetooth set over her ear every time she jumped in her car finally reeled me in.
I must admit it’s not the most comfortable of devices to wear, especially combined with my glasses but I’m determined now that I’ve got one I’ll use it whether it is needed or not.
I told My One True Love that this proves to me I would wear high heels if I was a woman, fore- going comfort for style. She gave me a sceptical look.
Last week I took a call in a car park while I was putting a ticket in my window. I had no idea what to do with my hands once the ticket was in place having no immediate need to hold anything at all during the phone call.
This is where the next innov- ation is bound to come, watch out for it: a Bluetooth Finger- twiddler for the newly liberated digits of the 21st century.
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Saturday 26 May 2012
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