DCSIMG

All mixed up by how to make 
a macaroon

  • by Kerry Provenzano
 

I’m a firm believer that while we occupy this fine planet, we should do our best to acquire as many skills as we can along the way.

Today, I have decided to learn the craft of making French Macaroons. My ingredients are ready and I have a strange sense of optimism.

Here we go.

Ok, first problem encountered. The egg whites should have been left overnight to ‘age’. I’m proceeding anyway.

Apparently they need to be room temperature but they’ve come straight from the fridge so I’ve left them by the heating vent to warm them up and ‘age’ while I make marmite on crackers.

Egg whites are still cold. I’ve put some old videos under the bowl by the heating vent to ensure adequate warming/aging.

Eggs have kind of warmed. They don’t show any signs of wrinkles or free bus passes though so whether they have aged I don’t know, but I’m going to go ahead and whisk them up.

Metal whisk flew out of mixer when I turned the mixer on. Put it back in properly this time. Nearly lost an eye. Mixture is so fluffy it looks like clouds! (To quote ‘Despicable Me’: “it’s so fluffy I’m gonna die!”)

I opened the very highly heated oven and literally burnt my eyes. Then the smoke alarm went off and I had to run around with my eyes closed waving a tea towel under the fire alarm. I’m unsure whether I should seek medical attention.

Food colouring is out and in an attempt to make pastel blue macaroons, my hands now look like they belong to a Smurf .

I’ve Tweeted Lord Sugar to see if he thinks writing ‘Ready, Steady - oh heck: A Cookery Guide For the less than Adequate’ is a viable business idea.

Awaiting reply.

Dolloped the mixture onto a baking tray. They vary in size from 5p coin to car tyre and first batch is in oven.

All evidence of food colouring has disappeared and they’re all a light golden colour, but I’ve proceeded anyway. Second batch were black (I got distracted by telling mum all about my cookery day. She thought my second batch was hilarious. I did not.)

All done, just have to add the icing now so I’m going to go ahead and whisk up some buttercream to stick the two macaroons together nicely. Icing curdled, proceeded anyway. Macaroons are done – neither my mum nor my sister gagged upon eating them and as far as I know, are not dead (success!).

Next week: Lion taming.

 

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