Wife of vascular dementia patient speaks out for World Alzheimer’s Day

A woman whose husband has vascular dementia has spoken out about the “devastation” the condition has caused her as she urges people to check in with those who are carers.

Margaret Miller, who has been married for more than 40 years, has chosen to share her story this World Alzheimer’s Day (Thursday, September 21) in a bid to raise awareness of the condition and the struggle that those caring for the person affected may be going through.

The 84-year-old’s husband is being cared for within the St Andrew’s Healthcare’s purpose-built Dementia Village in Northampton.

Margaret said: “Although I’m still married, I’m no longer a wife. The husband I once knew has largely gone – although I do still see glimmers of him from time to time which is wonderful. It’s not been an easy journey for him, or for me, but he’s in the best place now. But watching him decline has been devastating.”

For several years Margaret has watched her husband’s health decline, until he barely recognised her, very often asking her to leave the family home.

Margaret said: “When that happened, it was tough and upsetting. I had to talk him round and ask if it would be ok to stay the night in the spare room.

“The trouble is, Alzheimer’s and dementia are not really recognised like other health conditions such as cancer and heart disease. For a very long time I felt very alone as I was dealing with this by myself, so I’m very thankful that we’ve now found a suitable caring environment for my husband. He is safe well looked after in St Andrew’s. The staff are very friendly and helpful and almost treat him like a friend and not as a patient – which he responds well to.”

Margaret travels to see her husband twice a week, when she takes him to lunch within the Northampton hospital grounds. She has been well supported by the charity’s Carer’s service and once the nights start drawing in she might consider using the onsite accommodation so she can avoid driving in the dark.

She added: “I really want people to be more aware of dementia and how hard it is on the person with the condition, but also on the carers and loved ones who are behind every person with dementia. It’s hard, and it’s scary and it’s isolating. You need people around you checking in, offering you a cup of a tea and a chat, sometimes that’s all it needs.”

World Alzheimer's Day is an annual campaign, promoted by the Alzheimer’s Society, and provides a global opportunity to raise awareness around, educate, encourage support of and demystify dementia.

Globally, dementia is one of the biggest challenges society faces, with nearly 50 million people living with dementia worldwide. That is why St Andrew’s Healthcare is hosting a dementia webinar where leading clinicians will discuss diagnosis and care planning for people with the condition to share best practice and try to improve care.

The free event is taking place on Wednesday, September 27 from 1pm to 230pm. To register, click here.

St Andrew’s Healthcare Clinical Psychologist Dr Kevin Beckles, who looks after individuals living with dementia, said: “Without a doubt, dementia can cause many distressing symptoms for the person living with the condition, but the distress often extends to those caring for them, be it family, loved ones or paid carers. However, we need to look behind those symptoms. People living with a dementia are still people and they still have needs, the only difference is they may have lost the ability to voice what it is that they need.

“Here at St Andrew’s we provide empathetic support, we recognise the patient before the diagnosis – it’s a person living with a dementia - they are not the dementia.

“We spend a lot of time carrying out cognitive stimulating activities which can be hugely beneficial. It’s about transporting the person back to a time they remember and felt happy and safe. We encourage people to look back at their lives, and particular moments.

“Music can play a very big part in this which is why regularly host music therapy sessions as songs they recognise can be stimulating and promote feelings of wellbeing. But when it comes to our patients we never assume what they can and can’t do. We put them at the centre of their care and we ask them what they want. We value them as human beings as we firmly believe you can live well with dementia.”

Lowther is the name of the Charity’s Dementia Village and has four wards within it which recognise the different care requirements during the phases of dementia.

The Lowther design revolves around a village theme and incorporates a range of supportive technology and design features that improve engagement and enhance quality of life.

Embedded within the core design are numerous features that create a recognisable and calming environment. The central avenue replicates a local community, with post office, launderette and other amenities to help settle patients in a familiar setting.